This is why elegance is better than winning

This is why elegance is better than winningThis is why elegance is better than winningMany years ago my wife whisked me away for my birthday to Anderson Valley, located near the coastal region of Mendocino County in Northern California. Our lodging was the Philo Pottery Inn, a charming little bed and breakfast that since closed down. Beyond the beautiful scenery, the primary purpose of our weekend was to attend a wonderful Alsace wine dinner at Scharffenberger Cellars.We dressed up for the event and were seated at a large table full of friendly strangers. As the evening unfolded, appetizers and tasty dishes were paired with outstanding wine selections.Then, at some point in the dinner conversation, a woman at our table ventured into politics. She made a very partisan statement, nodding affirmatively with the expectation that everyone agreed with her.Some at the table nodded in agreement. Others were silent. I was young, full of opinions and ready to joust.Spoiling for a fightI grew u p in a household of readers. My father, an administrative law judge and learned man, often held court at dinner time. Wed discuss current events, news and politics. I couldnt compete with my fathers expansive knowledge of history, but I enjoyed testing him on political issues.I grew to enjoy lively debate, however, I learned that its generally bad form to make partisan political comments to a table full of strangers. Its presumptuous and a little arrogant to drop political bombs among polite company. It puts people on the spot, and can turn a pleasant gathering into an uncomfortable evening.Unfortunately, when the woman at our table made her political remark, I immediately disagreed and challenged her.Well, things got interesting. Real fast. The woman was an accomplished attorney. I was a cocky law enforcement professional with a graduate degree. Before the dessert and aged hafen arrived, the woman and I were engaged in a heated debate.The fool chatters while the wise man listensMy wife rolled her eyes and slid across the table to converse with a quiet woman who seemed unimpressed with the political banter. But the most fascinating chap at the table was an elegant Irish gentleman. He had white hair, was impeccably dressed and nicht plussed by the political salvos being hurled back and forth. The gentlemans name was Guinness McFadden.My wife, who has far more common sense than me, stayed completely out of the political morass. Apparently, others tired of it as well and the table thinned.Mr. McFadden was queried at one point to offer his opinion. I recall that he raised an eyebrow and briefly shared a bit of his military background. Somehow, he managed to deliver a salient yet non partisan point. He smiled, fell silent again, and leaned back in his chair. He seemed content to let us exhaust ourselves.Later that night, back at the Philo Pottery Inn, I sensed my wifes displeasure. That woman should know better. You cant drop political bombs and expect everyone to agree with you, I reasoned. My wife countered with her observations about Guinness McFadden. About how dignified he was. Above the fray. Clearly capable of delivering trenchant, probably devastating insights that would have ended the debate. But he didnt. Too much of a gentleman.Mistakes of youthI was younger then. It took less to tease an argument out of me. I didnt understand that such debates were often of little consequence. People believe what they believe.Mr. McFadden obviously knew this. He had wisdom and much more life experience on his side. In fact, hes quite a remarkable guy. He turned down an Ivy League scholarship to attend the University of Norte Dame. He earned a bronze star in Vietnam. In Potter Valley, where he makes wine, he is also a pioneer in the Mendocino organic movement.As the years marched on, I often thought about our little weekend getaway to Mendocino County. Over time, I learned to stand down when someone tosses out provocative remarks or political state ments.I took a page from Guinness McFadden, with my wifes approval. I guess wisdom, like caviar, is an acquired taste. You need some experience and time to develop it.Wolves and monkeysPeople often say that mans natural inclination is towards violence and war. I remember a prozentsatz by the historians Will and Ariel DurantNo one ever wants to recognize the inexorable periodicity of war.Perhaps theyre right. In many ways men can be like wolves. They like to pack together, go on the hunt and fight. They respect strength and usually pick a leader of the pack.But men can also be like monkeys. They can form tight bonds, families and supportive networks. They can look out for one another and demonstrate great tenderness.A few years ago the Wall Street Journal carried an article that questioned whether man was innately violent. The article relied on some fascinating research with monkeys.Id like to think that mans deeper instincts, eventually, bend towards elegance, peacefulness, and love . Maybe thats why aged felons who get out of prison infrequently reoffend. Theyre older and hopefully wiser. All the piss and vinegar of youth is spent and the mind turns to more important concerns. Thoughts about purpose. Family. Legacy.Choose elegance over winningIf you want to please your spouse, impress fellow dinner guests and actually enjoy your dessert, heres some advice for you. Namely, three reasons why elegance is better than winning.1. You wont look and sound like a jerk. You might have all the answers and even be right, but sometimes you lose even when you win an argument.2. Winning rarely changes peoples minds. As noted above, people believe what they believe. Try convincing a Palestinian that Israel should exist. Or vice versa. Same thing with apologists and atheists. People become entrenched in their beliefs. Beating someone in a debate may feel good, but have you really influenced your opponent?3. Elegance transcends bias. It didnt really matter to me what side of th e political fence Guinness McFadden was on. I was far more intrigued and impressed with his kind demeanor, distinguished flair and friendly disposition. Not to mention the fact that my wife was more smitten with how he behaved at dinner, as opposed to my combative approach.I have nothing against wolves, but they do help illustrate my point. The next time you are tempted to jump into the fray, snarl your fangs and nip at the heels of your political opponent, take pause. Picture those amazing gorillas we see in nature films, sitting placidly in a lush rain forest, rocking their babies and grooming one another. Which better illustrates what we should strive for?Guinness McFadden already figured this all out. Thanks to his example, my wifes gentle reinforcement and the mellowing refinement of time, Im starting to figure it out, too. Elegance is better than winning.Before you goIm John Weiss. I draw old school, handcrafted cartoons and write about life. Get on my free email listherefor t he latest cartoons and blog posts.Thisarticlefirst appeared on Medium.

How to Win Friends and Influence People at Work

How to Win Friends and Influence People at WorkHow to Win Friends and Influence People at WorkYouve probably heard of Dale Carnegies book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, but have you read it? Probably leid (although many people have). If you have read it, have you applied the principles in the book at work? While friendship isnt necessary for the office, it sure is a better place to work in when everyone gets along. Here are three of Carnegies principles about how to win friends and influence people adapted to the workplace. Use these ideas so you can know how to win friends and influence people at work. Become Genuinely Interested in Otherbei People That water cooler chit-chat wont help you if your focus is always on you. I did this, or Heres what I think about that, is often how people talk. People love to talk about themselves. But, if you can switch that interest and become genuinely interested in other people, youll become someone people want to be with, and youll be able to selectively influence people on factors that are really important. Remember, you already know everything there is to know about you, so dont waste your time talking about you and your ideas. While its not appropriate to get too personal in the office (especially with people over whom you have hire/fire/evaluation power), it is appropriate to find out about their outside interests and use that information to build relationships. For instance, Hey, Karen, I saw that the Dodgers won last night. You must be thrilled This is a simple statement. Its not personal, and its not invasive. But it tells Karen that you care enough about her to know what her favorite team is and its important enough to you that you paid attention to last nights game. You should know peoples marital status, how many children they have, and the general health things.No, you dont need to dig into their personal business, but giving an employee or a coworker a small, inexpensive gift for her babys first b irthday will put her over the moon with her thoughtfulness. When John tells you that hes stressed because hes had to move his grandmother to the nursing home, inquiring as to how his grandmother is every few months can show you care. While all the above are critical to building a good relationship, you also need to focus on specific work-related tasks. Of course, you follow up on projects that you assign to others or with people who need to provide you deliverables, but if you want to build relationships, youll need to go a step farther. Along the same lines as the personal information, ask questions about how things are going for others, but in an Iminterested manner, not an Im telling you what to do manner. Here are several examples of good and badly expressed interest. Good Examples of Expressed Interest I saw that you were handed the Jones project. Congratulations, youll do an awesome job. Hows it going?Hey, have you decided on a vendor yet for the Jones project? I saw the p resentations too and wondered which one you thought was the best fit because Ill probably need something similar later this year. Bad Examples of Expressed Interest Have you got everything under control on the Jones project?Who is your vendor for the Jones project? In the good examples, youre demonstrating that you think your coworker is a capable worker. In the second, you sound like youre trying to become the anfhrer and second-guessing their ability to handle the job. Always congratulate people for jobs well done, and offer help and sympathy when appropriate. This doesnt mean that you have to take over and do extra work- your job is still your job and their jobs are still their jobs- but you do want to let people know that youre available. Let the Other part Think That the Idea Is His or Hers This may seem antithetical to getting ahead in the workplace, but its actually the key to success. If you want your ideas implemented, the best way to do that is to have senior peopl e think that they thought it up. But what advantage is there to let your peers or direct reports think they thought up your fabulous ideas? Well, remember, this is about making friends and influencing people at work. You want them to feel good about themselves, and theres no better way than congratulating them on an awesome idea. Its winning all around- you get everything accomplished that you wanted to do (influence) while having everyone else love you (winning friends). This strategy can be a bit tricky, and you cant just say, Jane thought of that. But, if youre in a meeting, discussing a project, you can steer the conversation toward assigning credit. Heres a sample dialogue. Boss Were really having difficulty pinning down the finance team to get the right projections before we have to submit our headcount projections for next year. You Working with finance is tough. Like you were saying yesterday, Kevin is the key person for contact here. We should go ahead and set up a meeting with Kevin. If we can get him on our side, it will be possible to get the whole team working on this. Now, your claim shouldnt be a complete fabrication. Your boss has undoubtedly mentioned Kevin before, and youre taking it to the next level. The boss will feel silly if she says no to the Kevin idea since she was the one who said he was the key to this success. The result is, you get your idea implemented, your boss feels good about herself, and finance gets the right numbers to you on time. Begin With Praise and Honest Appreciation This is not a feedback sandwich. If you dont appreciate the work others have done you will come across as fake and manipulative. Fake praise is more damaging than no praise. So, you have to switch your brain to start appreciating the work other people do. If you think about it, you can make a list of a ton of things people do that make your life easier. For instance, the person who starts the coffee pot before you get in, the admin who keeps your cal endar straight, and the person who maintains the client database all do jobs that make your job significantly easier than it would be otherwise. This is also true of the janitor that cleans and stocks the bathroom, the cooks in the company cafeteria, and the payroll department that ensures you get paid on time and accurately every single pay period. Many people dont stop and think about those people, and as such dont appreciate them. But, once you think about it, you can show appreciate them. So, start by saying thanks to the janitor every time you see her. Make a point to use her name. If you dont know it, find out by introducing yourself, Hi, Im Jane. I see you all the time, and Im afraid I dont know your name. Dont worry if the same person has been cleaning the office for three years and youve never asked. Now is the time to act. There are 27 other principles in Carnegies book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, but hopefully, these three will give you the kickstart you nee d to make your life at work better. - Suzanne Lucas is a freelance journalist specializing in Human Resources. Suzannes work has been featured on notes publications including Forbes, CBS, Business Insider and Yahoo.

The Differences Between a Bookkeeper and an Accountant

The Differences Between a Bookkeeper and an AccountantThe Differences Between a Bookkeeper and an AccountantBoth bookkeepers and accountants deal with the financial transactions of a business. Historically, the key difference between the jobs has been that a bookkeeper has recorded financial transactions while an accountant has analyzed and drawn conclusions from those transactions. Shifting Roles As financial transaction software has proliferated and improved, businesses are seeing less of a clear-cut line between the two jobs. Bookkeeping software can now do things that only accountants did, such as generate profit-and-loss statements, and it can enable bookkeepers to more easily carry out new functions for a business, such as paying employees. Business executives want to be able to obtain financial information at any time and in any place, so bookkeepers and accountants are both often tasked with sending info to their mobile devices. Different Skill Sets Even with such adv ances in technology, businesses, particularly those of a substantial size, are totenstill likely to need the help of one or more experienced accountants and bookkeepers, with somewhat different skill sets, for years to come. Key Differences Between Bookkeeping and AccountingBookkeepingAccountingMain Duties ResponsibilitiesInvolves identifying, measuring, and recording financial transactions. Keeps the records organized.Involves summarizing, interpreting, and communicating those financial transactions. Keeps track of a businesss financial situation and conveys facts and opinions to the businesss owners and executives.Analytical Skills Necessary?Doesnt require much in the way of analytical skills.Must be able to analyze data and draw conclusions from them.Responsible for Financial Statements?No, not typically.Yes.Source Flatworld Solutions The Role of an Accountant Another important distinction between the two jobs is that an accountant designs or purchases and manages the financ ial systems that a bookkeeper uses to record transactions. The everyday duties of an accountant vary depending on their specialization, which might be auditing, tax preparation, or estate/trusts, for instance. Accountants usually have a bachelors degree in accounting or a related field. They may go on to get a masters degree in accounting or a master of business administration that focuses on accounting. Becoming a certified public accountant (CPA) is the most important early achievement for an accounting professional. However, not all accountants are necessarily CPAs. There are other types of certifications, such as certified internal auditor (CIA) and certified management accountant (CMA), as well as perfectly good accountants with none of those certifications. The Role of a Bookkeeper A bookkeeper usually does not need a bachelors degree to land a job. They record financial transactions for businesses, typically using database and spreadsheet programs that have been selected and set up by an accountant. Basically, a bookkeeper records all the money flowing into and out of a business. A bookkeeper may also issue checks, prepare invoices, and create reports on taxes, expenditures, profit and loss, and cash flow. In a large firm with many employees, a bookkeeper may specialize in a particular area, such as accounts payable, accounts receivable, or auditing.